Navigating relationships is a tricky business, and there are any number of ways to muddle things up. Whether you’re looking at friendships, love interests, or co-workers, there are some definite ways to unintentionally ruin relationships.
Here are some red flags to be on the lookout for in order to keep your relationships strong.
Obsessing over problems
Like a dog with a bone, some people just can’t let things go. They hold onto every disappointment, every mistake, every thoughtlessly spoken word, and whenever there is a disagreement, all those old things get dredged up over and over again.
No one likes to be reminded of their mistakes or made to feel like there is no way to make up for it. No good will come of rehashing the past every time you are upset, because it will prevent you from moving forward.
How can your partner feel that you trust and rely on them if you keep pointing out how they have let you down in the past? Instead of bolstering them into wanting to please you, you will be setting them up for failure before they even try.
Always focusing on you
While it is important to make sure your needs are met, sometimes you should look at the needs of others as well. If your partner feels that they are always sacrificing needs of their own to satisfy yours, it will lead to disaster. No one can go on being a doormat for others, or always putting themselves in last place.
Think about what your partner needs, and how you can help them to fulfill these needs. Helping them can also bolster feelings of trust and appreciation that will strengthen the bonds of your relationship, rather than undermining them with selfish acts.
Being judgmental
One of the most damaging things you can ever do to another human being is to judge them. We all make mistakes, and life is a learning process. Since people grow and change over time, they are inevitably going to look back on things and not be proud of everything they have done. That is why it is so important to find someone who can treat you with respect and acceptance.
If you are always standing in judgment and looking down your nose at your partner’s past mistakes, then you are withholding that respect and acceptance. You cannot share unconditional love when your heart is filled with judgment and condemnation.
Making other things a higher priority
Establish regular date nights, special rituals for weekend mornings, and other couple moments that keep you connected to each other.
Embracing the green-eyed monster
Jealousy and mistrust go hand-in-hand. If you find yourself constantly doubting how much your partner cares about you, or feeling paranoid that they are attracted to other people, then you are dooming your relationship. People are drawn together and stay together because they mutually trust, respect, and love each other.
Trust is a vital component of a healthy, successful relationship. If your partner feels that you are treating them with suspicion and always questioning them, it will undermine their sense of respect and trust. You will create a field of negative tension that can ultimately repel your partner rather than keep them attracted to you.
Remember, treating others how you want to be treated is the most important rule to nurturing any healthy relationship – keep it compassionate.
-The Alternative Daily
Sources:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/21/relationship-mistakes_n_5552993.html
http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/five-ways-women-sabotage-their-relationships/#.VLaVhCvF8pg
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/07/how-to-avoid-self-sabotage-in-a-relationship-alice-williams