How many people do you know that become completely flustered and paralyzed when obstacles and stress cross their path in unexpected ways? It’s not an envious position by any stretch. So how can you, and those around you, manage these curveballs that life throws?
Obviously we all have certain situations that will make us feel upset, angry, or scattered, but often times, we aren’t allowing ourselves to be in control when this happens. While these will always be subjective experiences, wrought with personal interpretation and prejudice, your reaction will always be yours to control. There are some amazingly simple tools you can use in all your relationships that can help you establish focus and positivity in stressful situation.
1. Pause
Stephen Covey wrote: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In those choices lie our growth and our happiness.” He is absolutely right. No matter what the situation we always have the chance to respond in any way we want. If you can take the time to consciously insert your mind in between your situation and your knee-jerk response you will be amazed at the possibilities that appear. This technique is obviously applicable to interpersonal relationships, but can be used in a multitude of situations. For example, Victor Frankl used his personal interpretations of situations to survive and keep his strong spirit alive during his incarceration during the Holocaust. Take time to evaluate the strength and positive application your responses can have, not only on your own life, but those around you as well.
2. Flexibility
Pairing well with the concept of pausing, flexibility allows us to sustain and nurture our happiness, mood, and fulfillment. Life is messy, plans change, and our schedules are at the mercy of humans and machines both. With that many variables, it pays to keep your options open. Becoming open and accepting of random change is definitely not as easy as just flipping a mental switch, it takes time and patience. The results can be fantastic though, where once you might let a missed train ruin your day, you might take the extra time to enjoy the sunshine. Flexibility in some situations is easier than others, for example I have a difficult time being flexible when I make plans, whereas things like a broken down car, or spilling coffee on myself can just be par for the course. The important thing is that I do try to expand my skill set to be more flexible in every aspect. Try to be like the skyscrapers in Tokyo: strong and impressive, made even more so due to their ability to flex and sway even during the most intense quakes.
3. Understanding
This skill can be simply and easily applied to most interpersonal disputes. Apply the pause technique, take a breath, and be flexible in understanding the other person’s point of view. By actively listening to what they are saying, and placing yourself in a constructive mindset instead of a confrontational one, new pathways open. A key concept to applying this tool is that opposition and argument will never lead to a constructive solution. Keeping a solution oriented mindset and stepping out of a right/wrong viewpoint will motivate you to create and explore ideas that bring forth mutual benefit. Arguing is great for an assault against an idea, but not so much for generating positive solutions. Take a minute to listen, and understand your viewpoint, anyone else’s viewpoint, the issue at hand, and what the objective truly is. Understanding can generate a healthy, happy, and productive space for all the participants.
By adding these three techniques to your daily approach to wellness, you may be surprised at the powerful and positive changes that take place. Also, don’t be afraid to share what you are attempting with the people around you, it might just garner a stronger culture of flexibility and lower stress. Being strong is important, but one of the keys to true strength is flexibility. To be truly strong and able, one has to be willing and capable to bend and adapt. What are your personal challenges with stress and flexibility? Do you have any other techniques that help you manage stress and life’s speed bumps?
– John Garda
John Garda is a Holistic Health Coach working out of NY and Miami. He has been able to help his clients overcome their challenges, and now has a practice that focuses on helping busy individuals lower their stress, lose weight, achieve wellness, and love who they see in the mirror.
Visit John’s website at http://www.ironmountainwellness.com